Confessions of a Lapsed Catholic

  I come to you, my friends in the blogs a sphere, as a lapsed catholic.
Actually, sometimes, I know not what I am exactly.  If I were to be
truthfully, I would call myself a religious free agent.  Although, when
my mother was alive, I did have moments when I had to tip my cap to
whatever entity was smiling down upon her year after year until she was
finally called home.  You know what..... I think I came to the conclusion,
long ago, that God or whatever is up there simply doesn't like me.
I can find no other reason to explain the numerous unanswered
voice mails I've left that have gone unanswered.  I asked the
almighty to look after someone I loved, I came to this
mystical entity with my hat in my hand.... hell, I even went
into a church and lit candles and prayed.... well... I attempted
a prayer.... and like always... the mystical landlord high above
flipped me off.  Maybe he or she or it is still smarting over the
fact that I denounced Catholicism for my own sanity.  I
couldn't do it anymore.  I don't believe in waiting to have sex
before I get married.  Being the pain in the ass that I know
I am, perhaps it's best for a guy like me to speed things along
before sobriety sets in and the other person heads for the door
Ala The Flash.  Besides, I couldn't, in good conscience,
pledge allegiance to a religion that trots out a Golim figure
as its voice of religious reason.  See I question things.
I question things when a four foot leprechaun with a sixty
pound cross rides in in a pope mobile and tells
the flock that he opposes condom use during this tiny pandemic
known as AIDS.  I have news for the leader of this three ring
carnival known as Catholicism..... I'm not abstaining
from sex and I'd dare say, neither are many other
disillusioned Catholics like me.  Of course, if I did
happen to contract a lethal sexually transmitted disease
and I exited the earth via suicide.... the Catholics
wouldn't bury me anyway.  One, because I fornicated
myself into oblivion and two, because I offed myself.
This is Catholicism, and this is why I am a lapsed
Catholic.  Good night America.  

The Littlest Major Market In Sports

  Let me ask you, mister and misses Chicago sports fan?  Are we really a major
market kind of sports town?  In light of the fiasco with the turf at Soldier Field
on Friday, I'm beginning to wonder.  Only in the great city of Chicago is there
an entity like the Chicago Park District; A fiefdom that dictates policy
to a charter NFL franchise like the Bears.  Where else in the NFL do you see
a set up like the Bears are in?  The Bears pay rent to a city entity and don't
even have jurisdiction over the playing surface.  An entity, that, by the looks of it,
seems oblivious to the wants and needs of their only high profile tenant.
This isn't a stadium deal or favor baking or quid pro quo style politics;
all the Park District had to do was water the very playing surface that they
won't let the Bears anywhere near.  Are we to believe that a bloated municipality
with unchecked power can't find the time to execute a simple, common sense task.
Does it take horse trading and other forms of political shenanigans to get the Park District
to actually do its job?  If you want to blame the Bears, blame them for not having
someone with the political savvy to get a real stadium built
in the first place.  Only in the great city of Chicago does a
preservationist group dictate reconstruction policy to a football
franchise.  Don't blame the Bears because Solider Field resembles
a toilet bowl, blame the bureaucracy that is afoot in the land of
Lincoln.  God forbid if the Bears were actually permitted to
completely tear down an aging and financially obsolete relic.
No no, the colonnades had to stay.  PRESERVATION PEOPLE.
Can you imagine this crap going on in say, Philadelphia?  Can
you imagine if some preservationist group emerged and told
the Eagles that they had to refurbish the old Vet and keep
the old AstroTurf for preservation purposes?  It wouldn't happen
in Philly and it wouldn't happen in Boston or New York because
it only happens here.  The Cubs are trapped within a financial sinkhole
of a stadium  because of an alderman with a god complex and a
neighborhood committee that needs a refresher course on the value
of the very ballpark they seem to view as a menacing eyesore.
Take the Cubs out of Wrigleyville and then we'll see what the
neighborhood committee and alderman Tom Tunney have
to say then.  My guess is, they'll be to busy crying over the
decrease, across the board, of every one's property values
sans Wrigley.  I wait for the day when a Chicago owner can
cut a check and buy the land and build a palace like new Yankee
stadium.  I wait for the day when a guy like Tom Ricketts is free
to buy the necessary land to create extra revenue streams.
I wait for the day when a charter franchise like the Chicago Bears
will have a stadium to truly call their own.  A stadium where
they can actually tend to their own playing surface, where
they aren't forced to live life in a space ship hovering above
the Lakefront.

The Curious Case Of Barack Obama

   I remember when Barack Obama campaigned for the
highest office in our great land.  The idealistic young senator
from the great state of Illinois promised that he would end
business as usual in Washington.  Obama said that we would see
an end to the usual gridlock and partisan sniping that had become
the hallmark of presidential politics. Fast forward to late June
of 2011.  While millions of disabled Americans waited with
baited breath to see if the debt ceiling crisis would cost them
their monthly checks, our president was engaging in the very
same political sniping that he had promised to avoid.  Looking
at this whole debt ceiling as the true pessimist that I am, I see
now that the gentlemen from the land of Lincoln is in way over
his head.  Perhaps Washington has sapped Mister Obama of
his ability to prioritize in times of great stress.  To me,
a true leader ultimately picks their battles.  Yet,
Obama stubbornly wants to go it alone most
times.  That may work in Illinois but it will
not work in Washington.  A president who
can't compromise won't make many friends and
and a sitting president needs all the back up he can get;
especially if the house and senate have been redecorated
mostly red.  When outnumbered, a man in a precarious
position doesn't actively seek out conflict.  Yet there
was Obama, playing the spin game.  I'm not a Gop'er
per se, but how many times can he blame the Republicans
for the political gridlock?  It takes two to tango Mister
Obama and last I looked, the Democrats weren't
exactly a shining example of political efficiency
in their own right.  While the debt crisis has been
adverted, it should serve as a referendum on
Obama's overall capability as commander
in chief.  As much as I want to see Obama's
lofty ambitions prove his naysayers wrong, I
can't in good conscience urge the American
people to re-elect a sitting president who
simply doesn't get it.  At least, for now,
we won't have to endure another soundbite
about the evil GOP death star poisoning
liberty and justice and democracy and
whatever acts of malice Obama thinks
that they are ultimately responsible for.
Look inward Mister Obama, look inward.
Next time, you may not be lucky enough
to stumble your way past a fiscal crisis.

The death of an ingenue and the savagery of mister and misses internet

  Why all of the vitriol over Amy Winehouse and the ensuing media coverage
surrounding her passing?  I've heard people say that she should rot in hell,
that her demise was self inflicted.  The rot in hell part is a bit extreme,
having demons doesn't equate a trip to the heated underground below
earth.  To all the people who say that they're sick of the coverage,
I ask you this.  Why the hell are you reading articles about a person you
say you have no interest in?  Better yet, where is your humanity?
Why are you wasting your time throwing stones at someone who
can't defend themselves anymore?  I happened to have loved a
woman who, like Amy Winehouse, ultimately lost the battle with
addiction.  I can't speak to the moral character of Amy Winehouse
but speaking for the person that I lost, I can say, unequivocally,
that she was not ticketed for hell.  Where did this perception
come from that every person who ultimately succumbs
to addiction is a deviant?  Not only do we have the Internet
moralists out in full force, but suddenly the lumping together
of young and deceased celebrities has begun.
Here's some food for thought about this so
called 27 club.  Morrison wanted to die
and so did Cobain.  The difference is, Morrison
killed  himself slowly and painfully and Cobain just
decided, one fateful day, that he was checking
out for good.

  I love these tawdry images of every young and deceased
celebrity type sitting around snorting their brains out
until their bodies say uncle.  The irony is, according
to the reports coming out, is that Amy Winehouse
may have just died in her sleep.  So I guess that dispels
the myth of poor Amy sitting around enjoying a crack pipe
until her life clock ultimately ran out.  Hell, if you read
Hendrix's biography, he died under the most mundane
and tragic of circumstances.  Can you imagine what
the Internet moralists would be saying if they read
that Hendrix may have accidentally hastened his
demise by taking a half a sleeping pill and a sip
of wine?   But that's what we do in the age of
the Internet.  We complain about the coverage
of the celebrity train fatally derailing but yet,
we stop to hiss and boo and complain when
it's available for mass consumption.

  Let me say this.  In our race to grab our axes and
chop down celebrity pedestals postmortem, we've forgotten
one basic thing.  Stars like Amy Winehouse were normal folk
who had friends and family that loved them deeply.
I urge mister and misses Internet to stop and
think about what it's like to try and save someone
you love from themselves.  Think about that phone call,
the one telling you that everything that you did for said
person simply wasn't enough.  Yah yah,
Amy Winehouse had two albums and never realized
her potential as a musical artist.  Just, put the down the
axes and the stones; put away the caustic and thoughtless
remarks and put yourself in the shoes of Amy Winehouses'
parents and her friends.  Think about what they're
going through in terms of their guilt and their second
guessing and their grief.  Think before you post
mister and misses Internet, think before you
post.

Just Another Sequel.....

   Bradley Cooper              Phil

   Ed Helms                        Stu

   Zach Galifinakis               Alan

   Ken Leoung                    Mr Chow

  Directed by Todd Phillips.  Written by Todd Phillips, Craig Mazin, and Scot Armstrong.


   After seeing The Hangover Part II, I have come to one conclusion; this is a film
franchise with a very limited shelf life.  Unless Todd Phillips and crew can come
up with something extraordinary for the third film, this is a series that will simply
continue to repeat itself.  Albeit, with plot tweaks and locale changes.  Watching
the second Hangover film, I was reminded of one of Todd Phillips' previous films,
Old School.  Like Old School, The Hangover Part II has a few laughs but
never quite reaches full altitude.  Mind you, The Hangover Part II isn't one
of those torturous sequels that will have you checking your watch.  Todd Phillips,
known for his pacing issues, actually moves the film along at a decent clip.
The problem is, the big time laughs just aren't there this time.  Zach Galifinakis
provides a few gut busters along the way but the muddled screenplay seems
to be continually searching for any semblance of comedic rhythm.  This is
extremely evident during a chase scene through the wilds of Bangkok
involving Chow (Ken Leoung), the wolfpac, a monkey, and some
Russians.  There's a ton of screaming and a ton of F bombs are
dropped but like most of the film, it's just a strained sequence that never
fully takes off.  I can recount countless sequences where Todd Phillips
seems intent on having his actors turn up the volume to compensate for
the weaker screenplay.  This is more than evident during the
sequence where Phil (Bradley Cooper) takes a slug in the arm
during the search for Stu's missing brother in law to be.  Instead of
having Stu (Ed Helms) play off of the absurdity of the situation at
hand, director Todd Phillips has Stu (Helms) screaming and flailing
like a mental patient.

  Plot:  Stu (Ed Helms) has finally found love again and is planning to
wed in Thailand.  After initially resisting the pleas of Phil (Bradley Cooper)
and Doug (Justin Bertha) to have yet another pre marriage blowout,
Stu eventually agrees to reunite with the Wolfpac in Thailand.  Even
Alan (Zach Galifinakis) is thrown back into the mix.  Alhough Stu
still harbors ill will towards Alan regarding the events of the previous
film in Las Vegas.  Of course, for the Wolfpac, nothing EVER
goes according to plan.  The boys once again wake up in
a stupor and once again, they have some detective work to do.
This time, it's Stu's brother in law to be that ends up MIA
in the wilds of Thailand.  I'll stop there, you can decipher
the rest of the plot on your own.

  The main problem with The Hangover Part II is how un natural
it seems compared to the first film.  Indeed, the second film
seems unable or unwilling to trust the audience at any level.
The only natural element in the film is Zach Galinfiakis and while he gets
big laughs, he simply isn't one of those Belushiesque  figures that can
take over a film and carry it to the finish line.  I guess my other beef with
this film  is the decision to bring back Chow and make him a semi central
character.  Chow worked in the first film because he was sprinkled into
the mix in varied intervals.  In heavier doses, the Chow character becomes
nothing more than a one dimensional punchline.  If there's any one character
who typlifies the need for volume control in the Hangover sequel, it's Chow.

   If you saw the trailer for The Hangover Part II and you thought
that it was essentially the same film as the first..... you're right.  It's
the same film.... with less laughs and more volume and less
cohesion in terms of the screenplay.  Even the endings are somewhat
exact, except that the ending of the second film features a rather
uneven monologue from Stu as he finally confronts his domineering
father in law.  I guess this sequence is just typical of the film as
a whole.  It's a sequence with huge potential and you keep waiting
and waiting for it to click but it never does.

Clearing The Lebronified air

  This week, Scottie Pippen, not happy with the goodwill that he and the Bulls are

finally enjoying, decided to tell the world that LeBron James was better than 

Michael Jordan.  I know that Pippen is a migraine suffer but his statement makes one 

wonder if said ailment has finally rendered him basketball stupid.  This is the way I 

see it.  LeBron James is the best player...... of his time.  Still though, James can't 

be better than Jordan until he wins multiple championships.  Last I looked, LeBron 

is one championship series short of winning his first title.  So if the the boys in Vegas 

are right, the NBA championship scorecard will read.... Jordan 6  James 1 come 

the conclusion of the upcoming NBA Finals.  It's more than that though.  It's the

fact that Jordan won six titles with virtually the same level of talent that surrounded 

James in Cleveland for seven years.  But while Michael was putting on

the cape and plowing the road for Championship gold when his team mates

were essentially useless most nights........ James would simply stand and watch

and pout and ultimately fail in his attempts at the coveted grail known as

the O'Brien trophy.  Remember folks, LeBron was the man who quit on the 

Cavaliers during last year's playoff series with the  Boston Celtics.  

Does this sound like someone who is better than Jordan?  Would you ever in your life 

witness Jordan surrendering in the heat of battle?  Remember folks, LeBron James 

took his ball and went to Miami.  Why? Because he simply couldn't shoulder the load of 

being the "man" on his own.  Jordan had to much pride to ever be a second banana.  

Jordan was a lot of things, but he was never a merc.  That's what LeBron is to me, a merc.  

He's a merc who lacks both Jordan's heart and Jordan's will.  Make no 

mistake though, LeBron is one of the most talented players I've ever seen.  His length, 

his quickness, his touch.  If he IS like Jordan in anyway, it's the fact that he has the 

talent to take over a game in the blink of  an eye.  I say again though, he is NOT Jordan.  

This fact was made crystal clear the day he  left Cleveland.

Endgame

  In the blink of an eye, Miami turned out the lights on the dreams of an improbable
Bulls comeback.  First it was Wade and then it was James.  You felt that the dragon
had been slain,  at least for at one night, when Ronnie Brewer pumped in a
three ball to put the Bulls up twelve.  Miami said no.  Like all of Chicago, I watched in
disbelief as Miami simply put on the afterburners in route to the NBA Finals.
Part of the Chicagoan in me wants to scream about an officiating conspiracy.
Part of me wants to go totally meatball and say that the NBA wanted Miami on
their biggest stage against Dallas.  No.  No.  And No.  The Bulls were up twelve
in spite of all the phantom calls and all of the trips to the line that Miami took.
Officiating had  nothing to do with the step back that James hit to put Miami
ahead for good.  Officiating had nothing to do with Dwayne Wade knocking
down a three that basically hastened the Bulls demise.  I was reminded of that Bulls
team that faced  Orlando after Jordan had officially re-entered the basketball scene.
That was 1995 I believe.  Like that Bulls squad in 95, this Bulls team lost control of
a game that was in their hands.  That 95 team like this one, will
have an entire summer to regroup and refocus.   On that night, like this one,
superior talent held serve.  What am I getting at?  Michael learned from that
fateful night in 95 as Orlando prematurely celebrated his decline.  My hope is
that  Derrick Rose learns from this experience and grows stronger from it.
My hope is that this isn't the beginning of more Miami beat downs on the
road to a potential championship.  Michael willed his way past the Pistons
but this is a different time.  No one man can single handedly carry a team
to greatness.  If this series doesn't emphasize this point, I don't know
what else will.  And so.... the off season begins.  You're on the clock
Gar Foreman.  Batman needs a Robin.

Don't worry about the homophobic NBA Millionaires.... we have to much to fear within our own tribe.

  First, Kobe Bryant got fined one hundred grand for using the word f*****.  Then it
was Joakim Noah getting fined FIFTY grand for using the same slur.  Are people
missing the point when they get all flustered every time someone drops the other F word.
To paraphrase the late Patrick Swayze in the cult classic, Roadhouse......
"It's just a noun used to illicit  a desired response."  Shouldn't we more outraged by
the knuckleheads who prowl the streets looking to beat on same sex couples?
Forget the taboo nouns being tossed around by frustrated millionaires; the type of
people that commit violent acts against people like Matthew Shepard are what worry
me most.  Yet, we're ready to light the torches when an athlete says a taboo word
regarding issues of sexual preference.  Where is the outrage when self righteous members
of the Christian flock tell a gay or a lesbian that they're essentially going to hell because
they desire someone within  their own gender?  Right now, I don't care about
derogatory nouns being bandied about by frustrated athletes in the heat of competition.
You know what bothers me?  It's the sight of  watching a friend whose suffering from
AIDS being treated like radioactive waste by a narrow minded practitioner of medicine.
Intolerance exists, and no amount of pr spin will sanitize that fact.  The best thing that we
can do, as a society, is to not become like the narrow minded idiots that gave life to
the very words that came of Kobe Bryant's mouth.  The best thing that we can do,
as a society, is to NOT to be like that doctor; the one whose ignorance and
fear made him unable to deliver a little mercy and a little compassion to a dying soul.

CHECKMATE

  I knew better.  Yet, I still brought into the notion that the Bulls, offensively challenged
as they were, could out will the Heat and advance to the NBA Finals.  The best thing
you can do in life is to admit when you're wrong.  So here it is.  I was wrong.
The Heat are the better team.  Period.  It's not the refs, it's not a network conspiracy.
Don't be meatballs Bulls fan.  I hate the Heat as much as you do but the eyes never lie.
There was Lebron, using his length to deny Derrick Rose's jumper at the end of regulation.
There was Dwayne Wade, draining a tough fade away over Ronnie Brewer with the game
on the line.  In moments like these, it's easy to see the divide between where the Heat
are and where the Bulls are.  P Diddy said it was all bout the Benjamins.  This series....
it's been all about the closers.  MIAMI'S closers.  So here's what I envision.
I envision Miami exhaling and giving up game five.  Come game six, I see Miami
locked and loaded for the kill.  And if they're not in kill mode, they've proven that they're
good enough to take the game away from the Bulls whenever they feel like it.  If you think
I'm overstating, you haven't been watching games two, three, and four.  So Bulls
fans, I ask this of you.  Don't delude yourself into thinking that the Bulls have
a miracle comeback in their back pocket.  What I want of the Bulls is to be
valiant in defeat.  What I want is for the Bulls organization to finally take an
honest look at what've they created.  As constructed, the Bulls simply aren't
good enough to compete on the level of a big boy team like the Heat.  What
stings most is the realization that the Bulls may have wasted their once to
stop Miami's championship destiny.  This was the time.  But even with
three exceptionally talented mercs and a team of castoffs, Miami stands
one win away from their promised land.  You can only wonder what
Miami will be like when they're given the chance to get even stronger.
Parish the thought.

Approaching panic mode......

  Well, Miami is up 2-1.  This time it wasn't a case of missed shots or
anything else.  Miami was just better on this particular evening.  Period.
You can say that Chris Bosh can't make a fifteen foot jumper each game.
OK, but he made that shot tonight.  And if he continues to make
that mid range jumper in game four and beyond.....checkmate.
I assumed that Thibs would come up with a game plan to
neutralize the missing link formerly known as Udonis Hazlam.
But there was Hazlam again; getting key rebounds, claiming loose balls,
and knocking down mid range jumpers.  If Thibs isn't concerned with
Hazlam, he really should be.  I'M concerned with the fact that 
James and Wade essentially played the maestro roles tonight and yet
Miami still took the game over.  Still, I will not step onto the ledge until
the Heat have game four firmly in their hip pocket.  Nope, I refuse to
break into full panic and or sports meatball mode at this point.  Indeed,
there is  a difference between being down 3-1 in series and being down
2-1 in a  series.  I just hope that coach Tibs has enough of that basketball
lifer mentality within him to somehow slay the Deathstar in game four.
Perhaps it's time to admit that Miami is fully awake and fully
engaged.  And when a group of the best basketball mercenaries ever
assembled are fully awake and engaged and hungry....... there may be
nothing that coach Thibs CAN do.  It's a fact of life in sports.
Sometimes..... talent simply outshines  pure will.  We'll see in
game four.

Ode to Charles Dickens

   Of all the things my good friend L have argued about, I never thought that we
would go head to head on the issue of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."
My friend L says that it's his best work, that it shows Dickens' strength in rising
above the unhappiness of his beginnings.  To that I countered, a writer
writes what he or she knows.  Dickens knew hardship and struggle and heartbreak
and subsequently, his best work, in my view, is "Great Expectations."  We MIGHT run
into a man like Scrooge but anyone who has been in love before definitely has known
an Estella in their time.  On the Estella/Scrooge point, my friend L declared me an
unabashed cynic.  Well.... I AM a cynic, no question.  But I am a TEMPERED cynic.
I believe in the nature of  happy endings and  atonement and learning from the error of
one's way.  I also believe in the concept of perseverance.  To be fair though, I don't
believe in Dickens' vision of Scrooge celebrating in en mass after the ghosts have
had their say.  In light of the Dickens we saw in Oliver Twist and Great Expectations
and Tale Of Two Cities, A Christmas Carol seems like nothing more than wistfully
commercialized mysticism.  Odds are, if a figure like Tiny Time existed in reality, he'd
probably be gobbled by a politico looking for votes or a career spin maker looking
for headlines.  I can see it now.....a bloated and sweaty Jerry Lewis singing to
poor old Tiny Tim during the last minutes of his fabled telethon.  Oh how that tote
board would simply light up.  Then again, perhaps I'm being to hard on old
Charlie Dickens.  Perhaps he wrote A Christmas Carol as a balm to the bleak
circumstances that defined both his childhood and his entire adult existence.
Perhaps, but the concept of Scrooge suddenly making amends for his mistakes
still seems a bit far fetched to me.  If you were Bob Kratchet, would you like the
old bird in?

Beware of the jaded American

   I think that I'm becoming more and more and more jaded as the years go on.
I cite my indifference to the environmental atrocities that Chevron has perpetrated
in the third world recently.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a sense of indifference
born out of a lack of empathy for the borders behind my own home country.
Rather..... my indifference stems from the simple realization that the third world is
essentially the wild wild west.  A company like Chevron has money and power and those
two elements alone are enough for a corporate colossus to create an unchecked fiefdom of
unethical behavior.  I watched the video of one of the locals talking about the land that
Chevron had contaminated in his village and I couldn't help but thinking...... this man is
essentially signing his own death warrant by speaking out.  If Chevron doesn't buy his
silence or use the legal process to skate away with a slap on its collective wrist, there is a
good chance that this brave farmer won't ultimately live to see justice done anyway.
Indeed, the third world isn't like our government here in the great USA.  Our government
believes in the old death by a thousand cuts methodology.  Often times, OUR government
slowly squeezes its dissenters until they are finally forced to cry uncle.  In the third world,
dissenters are usually eradicated by despots with fatalistic problem solving skills.  Here's
hoping that one man's bravery doesn't end up costing a family their father.  Here's hoping
that one man's bravery doesn't end up making a widow out of his wife.  Remember, the
third world is the place where a man like Che Guevara was essentially led to the slaughter
by the very people he tried to liberate.  In America, we tune revolutionaries like Che
out if we don't like their message.   In the third world, idealists like Che are betrayed
and ultimately fed to slaughter.  Then again, maybe there is always a price
to be paid and a sacrifice to made in the name of justice and or idealism.

Johnny Doesn't Want To Be A Pirate Anymore....

  As I scower the job search engines and attempt to gain meaningful employment yet
again, Johnny Depp is whining about having to play make believe for months on end.
Before you chide me for not knowing what Depp and other actors go through to make the
films that wind up in multiplexes across the nation......... cool your jets.  I know what a
grind it can be to do take after take and shoot scenes long into the night.  Some roles are
physically grueling and some shooting schedules are a compacted endurance test.
Still,  Johnny is not a fellow making minimum wage in a job that he hates.  His life
provides him with the opportunity to work at his own leisure.  Yet, here's Johnny......
whining about  how he's tired of playing Jack Sparrow in the rather lucrative
Pirates Of The Caribbean  franchise.  This is after he belittled his former POTC director,
Gore Verbinski, in the very same interview.  Mr Depp, people are out of work right now.
Businesses are going under and people are being downsized.  All across America,
people are  struggling to make mortgages payments and rent payments.  Johnny, I
respect as you an actor but if you didn't want to do POTC 4.... you should've
showed some integrity by walking away from a huge payday and a job that your
heart wasn't fully into.  If there's one thing that I hate, it's someone who has power
and doesn't use it.  You think your director is a boob, Johnny, then tell Disney
to replace him and shut up already.  You're tired of playing Jack Sparrow.
I get it.  So why the heck didn't you tell the mouse that you simply didn't want to
play Pirate anymore?  This would've been better than bellyaching like some spoiled
Hollywood Pollyanna after the fourth film was officially in the can.
People said that  Dave Chappelle was an idiot for walking away from his
Comedy Central show and a seventy million dollar payout.  That might be true,
but at least Chappelle had  enough integrity to simply walk away when he didn't
feel like he was up to the grind of writing and producing a weekly sketch show.

Score One For The Deathstar

  You learned something tonight, Bulls fans.  You can shoot thirty four percent and miss
wide open shots against teams like Indiana and Atlanta but you can NOT do it against a
team as athletic as the Miami Heat.  Tonight, the old saying was never truer; great
players make shots.  The King finally awakened and single handily delivered the
haymakers that finally sent the Bulls to the canvas.  Though part of me fears that this
may be the genesis for the Heat's superior talent overpowering the will of the Bulls,
I am consoling myself with a simple eye test.  The Bulls did not hit shots.

And if you don't hit shots, you will not beat anyone in the NBA.  Especially the
Miami Heat.  Indeed, the numbers don't lie.  34 Percent from the field, 3 for 20
from behind the arc.  You felt the air seeping out of the UC when Kyle Korver
missed a wide open three with the game in doubt.  You hope, as a Bulls fan,
that this isn't a game that the Bulls will regret not stealing.  When it was tied at 73
and Miami was struggling to cover up, you felt that it was within reach.
But with every missed shot, opportunity slipped away, and you were just waiting
for Miami to finally deliver that one punch to get separation.  Then..... Three Ball
by the King.  Miami was finally in control.  In the final analysis though, 

I think that the truest words may have been spoken by Danny  Bernstein from
The Boers and Bernstein Show.  Playoff Basketball is all about the ebbs

and flows, each game differs.  It's the drama of the NBA Playoffs, the by product
of the chess match between opposing coaches.  So now it's onto Miami.
The chess match continues, the drama gets even higher.  Let's just hope that
Coach Tibs has enough moves in him to overcome the firepower of the Deathstar.  

The where and the why

  So here I am, sifting through the rubble of a relationship that is now over after eight years.
Once again, someone I loved pushed a very sensitive button and I broke out the matches
and burned down the mission.  I wonder, fellow men of this life, are these buttons within
every member of the male species?  Are all of us males prone to commit acts of arson
within the confines of a committed relationship when a nerve is struck or feelings of betrayal
are suddenly front and center in one's mind.  I am my mothers sons I suppose.  I can
persevere and love unconditionally and give everything I have to other humans but when
I feel betrayed, the matches aren't far behind.  As I sift through the rubble of yet another
relationship gone boom,  I once again ponder the concept of having soul mates in this life.
Within the ashes of yet another failed relationship, I wonder how I spent
15 years loving a woman without a single destructive impulse taking shape
within me.  Those 15 years were easy, the rest....... not so much.  I go back
to the memories of those years, that particular woman.  Within the ashes of
yet another relationship gone boom, I feel that void yet again.  I am my mothers
son.  I possess warmth but I am coldest when reacting in self defense.  Perhaps
simplicity is my thing.  Perhaps my nature, though I defied the odds once, isn't
quite ready for yet another journey towards that Bermuda Triangle known
as a committed relationship.  Perhaps simplicity is in order at this point.  Now,
as I sift through the ashes, I applaud myself for having a friend with benefits
in my life.  In 2011, perhaps simpler is better in my case.

The Oprahites are here......

   It was bad enough when the Londonites were making completely fools of
themselves when Wills and Kate got married.  I told them to go home and now
I'm telling all of the Oprahites who don't have to tickets to see Queen Jesus at
the United Center....  G-O-  H-O-M-E.   You're blocking traffic and taking up
sidewalk space.  G-O  H-O-M-E.  This isn't Woodstock, it's not a cultural event.
Oprah is a bored business woman leaving her own self absorbed talk show to run an
equal self absorbed  television network that she named after herself.  My goodness,
when did we become a nation of  mindless lemmings?  When did we all start quivering
at the sight of a celebrtity like Oprah?  Now look, all you people without tickets to Oprah's
bash, I want you to listen to me.  You're not getting in to the UC without a ticket.
Oprah is NOT going to come out and make tickets appear like David Copperfield.
You're going to stand there like lemmings and then security will tell you to go away.
This being Chicago, you'll probably end up in the paddy wagon before you can
get the first word of resistance past your lips.  And please, all of you Oprahites
without tickets.  Leave Will Smith alone and leave Tom Hanks alone.  They can't
magically make your life better by getting Oprah to let you inside the mutual
admiration fest.  G-O  H-O-M-E.  Get on the 20 Madison bus, take it
to the train.  Do it, don't look back.  Have some dignity for god sake.
Get in your cars if you drove.  Drive away and don't look back.  I'm
not saying this as a Oprah hater my little Oprahites, I'm saying
this a friend.

Tiger, Arnold, and the ravings of a cynical bachelor.

  Let me ask you something, mister and misses America.  Do you really need Doctor Drew 

to put Arnold Schwarzenegger's infidelity in perspective for you?  All day, HLN news has 

been teasing a very special edition of the Doctor Drew show.  Apparently, it's special 

because the good doctor thinks that America is either to dumb or to indifferent to

truly understand what the Schwarzenegger scandal truly means to us common folks. 

Allow me to save you good people time waiting for the king of celebrity rehab to 

enlighten you.  Men....well.... we cheat.  PEOPLE.... cheat.  It doesn't matter if you're
rich or poor, black or white, brown or green, celebrity or moral; everyone strays at 

some point in time.  There are no perfect human beings in this life.  Oh, but I hear the 

outcry that Arnold is a role model and that he should act accordingly.  Bah.  He's a 

muscle bound marketing machine who is richer than creation.  The question I ask is this?  

What is with this newfound honesty from males celeb when they get caught cheating?  

Tiger Woods was home free.  I mean, his wife was still steamed about his INITIAL affair 

but she was willing to meet him halfway.  And then.... Tiger decided to tell her about the 

other 17 ho bags that he had fornicated with.  Total cost for old Tigers honesty?  

Public humiliation, a scorned wife, and a check for 200 million bucks.  

God knows what Arnold will have to pay for HIS discretions in the end.  Here's 

my pledge to all males celebs who cheat.  ZIP IT.  Cut the check in private and then 

get ready to take the old frying pan from the lover or the wife you stepped out on.  

Didn't any of these male celebs learn anything from the great Michael Jordan?  

Jordan was the king of extra martial fornication.  Do you see him stinking it up 

on a golf course or living in a hotel like Arnold is?  No, because he didn't make

a bad situation worse by pretending that his wife was a priest and that he was

in confessional.  Tiger was friends with M Jeff and he learned nothing about how to 

successfully carry out an extramarital affair.   That's like Luke taking lessons from 

Yoda and still not being able to defeat the dark side.  Men, let's do this.  Let's 

NOT get married.  And yah, Sheen, I'm talking to you especially.  If you have 

a wandering eye and a penchant for blow and a craving for illicit sex with adult 

film stars, you should NOT get married.  Even if you don't have all of Sheen's 

vices, don't do it fellas.  And if you're going to do and you slip up and 

you let you know who do your thinking for you....... S-I-L-E-N-C-E.  Pack

a bag, duck those flying objects, and then consult a good divorce attorney.

Remember fellas........ What would M Jeff do?

The Deathstar is dazed but certainly not defeated

  I know it's only one game and that I should control my inner basketball meatball.
Still, it was absolutely delicious to see Dwayne Wade tossing the ball away in
disgust as he and the so called "King", LeBron James,
conceded defeat in game one of the Eastern Conference finals.
For tonight at least, the team game of the scrappy Bulls won out over the ME first
symbolism that Miami and it's so called "big three" represent.  Things
may change come Wednesday night, I know that.  My heart is with the Bulls but
I won't allow that to let me get delirious here.  Trust me folks, Lebron James
will be not go invisible like he did tonight.  Neither will Dwayne Wade.
Love them or hate them and I truly detest them both, they are the best at
what they do in terms of the hardwood.  Tonight though, there is much to
savior in Chi Town before the quest for the grail resumes on
Wednesday night   Did you love it Chicago when young Taj Gibson posterized
Dwayne Wade?  Did you love the camera shots of Lebron James sitting
dazed on the bench late in the fourth quarter.  I did.  Yet, my
glee for Miami's beat down is tempered in some respects.  To be truthful,
the Miami deathstar is still under construction.  It is powerful
but not as powerful as it will be in the years to come.
When the Heat gain wiggle room in terms of their salary cap,
you know that they will address their low post deficiencies and
become the wrecking machine that they think are now.
When the salary cap provides them wiggle room, Miami's bench
will not be the question mark that it is now.  For the moment though,
this is the Bulls  best chance to stick their thumb in the eye of ego and greed
and selfishness. This is the best chance for the Bulls to play David to Miami's
Goliath.  I say again Bulls fan, Miami will not be vulnerable forever.  This year, 2011,
is the year that the Bulls can bring balance to the force and send LeBron
and his mercs home for the summer.  Nothing would make me happier
than to see LeBron and Dwayne Wade standing at the podium after being
eliminated by the underdog Bulls.  I wonder though.  Who will LeBron
blame this time if the Bulls deny him another trip to the finals?  King?
We'll see.  Jordan he definitely isn't.  Jordan had heart.  Jordan had will.
LeBron?  He has a bank account full of zero's and a quick blame finger.
I hope you were watching tonight Cleveland, I hope you were watching.
May the force be with you Cavaliers fans, may the force be with you.

The Tea Party Has Gone Mad

    So I'm doing the whole social thing on Facebook when I see a link from one of
my FB pals.  Apparently, one of the political parties wants to remove incidents
of genocide and slavery from the history books so as not to offend the founding
fathers.  Quick quiz.  Who is responsible for this genius idea?  Is it the Democrats?
Is it the Republicans?  Neither.  I know, my first reaction was that the liberals had
gone off of their meds again.  I half expected to see Al Gore and Sheryl Crow
burning copies of Uncle Tom's Cabin in effigy.  Alas, it's not the liberals who
have lost their mind.  No, it's the bleepin Tea Party.  Yes, the very same
off shoot of the Conservative movement that was supposed to be
the alternative to Liberalism.  I wonder, did the Liberals storm the gates
and hijack the message of  The Tea Party?  Folks, this is how liberals think.
When something bothers  you, over react.  It's the liberal way.
Or perhaps, the friggin tea party has just lost its bleepin mind.
Hopefully, this is just a case of political  psychosis and or delusion that will
soon pass.  I have news for the Tea Party.  If you boys and girls start thinking like
liberals, you won't win political seats at the clip that you've been winning them.
In politics, liberal psychosis often leads to blue states turning red.  I don't care if you omit
it from a text book, slavery existed.  And if slavery DIDN'T exist......
then someone better tell the Tea Party to come up with a better explanation for
the Civil War.  I guess The Tea Party will have the Civil War omitted from
the history  books too.  According to these lunatics, our founding fathers
are being  besmirched by the facts.  I hate to break it to the Tea Party but yes,
our founding fathers owned slaves.  And yes, our founding
fathers virtually swindled the Indians when it came to the so called
discovery of  America.  We got prime real estate and the poor Indians got
syphilis from old Christopher Columbus.  As comic Eddie Griffin so aptly said
"How the F*** You Gonna Discover Somethin That Wasn't
Yours To Begin With."  This madness has to be checked and quickly.
God knows what The Tea Party will want to rewrite next.  Perhaps they'll have
The Lincoln Assassination  omitted so as not to besmirch  John Wilkes Boothe.
What's next, they change JFK'S fatal  head shot to a flesh wound so as not to
besmirch Jackie O and the entire Kennedy clan?  What's next, they rip the Holocaust
out of the history books because it besmirches the German People?
I know, let's just say Hitler was a good guy who simply had anger
management issues.

And The Oscar Goes To.... Vin Bleepin Diesel?

   What do I call you?  Is it Mr Diesel or is it Vin..... Great, Vin it is.  Now.... Vin..... I want
to talk to you about this statement you made about your Fast and Furious film franchise.
You said that those films and films of that ilk deserve Oscar consideration.
Now.... Vin.....  you have to stop all of that talk, before Hollywood gets any crazy ideas.
Next thing  you know, some radical on the Academy panel will be casting write in votes
for films like Priest and Resident Evil.  Now I know that you're proud of your
F&F franchise Vin but you're courting anarchy here.  As a film fan, I can't have
a cinematic gem like The Kings Speech mingling with a film like Fast Five in the best
picture category.  It'll be anarchy,  it'll be against the rules.  It'll  go against the basic
laws of  not only the Oscar itself but the entire cinematic caste system.
As Cosmo Kramer one said, "without order, there's chaos."
To also quote the great George Costanza..... "Worlds will collide."  Don't mis
understand Vin, I like the F&F franchise.  Lots of good looking women and fast cars
and good looking women.......  Now look Vin, I want you to take a little time
before you start production on F&F six and I want you to forget
about all of this Oscar sillyness.  Believe me, it's for the best.
Thank you for your time.

                                                      Sincerely,
                                                      Mr Film