Confessions of a Lapsed Catholic

  I come to you, my friends in the blogs a sphere, as a lapsed catholic.
Actually, sometimes, I know not what I am exactly.  If I were to be
truthfully, I would call myself a religious free agent.  Although, when
my mother was alive, I did have moments when I had to tip my cap to
whatever entity was smiling down upon her year after year until she was
finally called home.  You know what..... I think I came to the conclusion,
long ago, that God or whatever is up there simply doesn't like me.
I can find no other reason to explain the numerous unanswered
voice mails I've left that have gone unanswered.  I asked the
almighty to look after someone I loved, I came to this
mystical entity with my hat in my hand.... hell, I even went
into a church and lit candles and prayed.... well... I attempted
a prayer.... and like always... the mystical landlord high above
flipped me off.  Maybe he or she or it is still smarting over the
fact that I denounced Catholicism for my own sanity.  I
couldn't do it anymore.  I don't believe in waiting to have sex
before I get married.  Being the pain in the ass that I know
I am, perhaps it's best for a guy like me to speed things along
before sobriety sets in and the other person heads for the door
Ala The Flash.  Besides, I couldn't, in good conscience,
pledge allegiance to a religion that trots out a Golim figure
as its voice of religious reason.  See I question things.
I question things when a four foot leprechaun with a sixty
pound cross rides in in a pope mobile and tells
the flock that he opposes condom use during this tiny pandemic
known as AIDS.  I have news for the leader of this three ring
carnival known as Catholicism..... I'm not abstaining
from sex and I'd dare say, neither are many other
disillusioned Catholics like me.  Of course, if I did
happen to contract a lethal sexually transmitted disease
and I exited the earth via suicide.... the Catholics
wouldn't bury me anyway.  One, because I fornicated
myself into oblivion and two, because I offed myself.
This is Catholicism, and this is why I am a lapsed
Catholic.  Good night America.