Clearing The Lebronified air

  This week, Scottie Pippen, not happy with the goodwill that he and the Bulls are

finally enjoying, decided to tell the world that LeBron James was better than 

Michael Jordan.  I know that Pippen is a migraine suffer but his statement makes one 

wonder if said ailment has finally rendered him basketball stupid.  This is the way I 

see it.  LeBron James is the best player...... of his time.  Still though, James can't 

be better than Jordan until he wins multiple championships.  Last I looked, LeBron 

is one championship series short of winning his first title.  So if the the boys in Vegas 

are right, the NBA championship scorecard will read.... Jordan 6  James 1 come 

the conclusion of the upcoming NBA Finals.  It's more than that though.  It's the

fact that Jordan won six titles with virtually the same level of talent that surrounded 

James in Cleveland for seven years.  But while Michael was putting on

the cape and plowing the road for Championship gold when his team mates

were essentially useless most nights........ James would simply stand and watch

and pout and ultimately fail in his attempts at the coveted grail known as

the O'Brien trophy.  Remember folks, LeBron was the man who quit on the 

Cavaliers during last year's playoff series with the  Boston Celtics.  

Does this sound like someone who is better than Jordan?  Would you ever in your life 

witness Jordan surrendering in the heat of battle?  Remember folks, LeBron James 

took his ball and went to Miami.  Why? Because he simply couldn't shoulder the load of 

being the "man" on his own.  Jordan had to much pride to ever be a second banana.  

Jordan was a lot of things, but he was never a merc.  That's what LeBron is to me, a merc.  

He's a merc who lacks both Jordan's heart and Jordan's will.  Make no 

mistake though, LeBron is one of the most talented players I've ever seen.  His length, 

his quickness, his touch.  If he IS like Jordan in anyway, it's the fact that he has the 

talent to take over a game in the blink of  an eye.  I say again though, he is NOT Jordan.  

This fact was made crystal clear the day he  left Cleveland.

Endgame

  In the blink of an eye, Miami turned out the lights on the dreams of an improbable
Bulls comeback.  First it was Wade and then it was James.  You felt that the dragon
had been slain,  at least for at one night, when Ronnie Brewer pumped in a
three ball to put the Bulls up twelve.  Miami said no.  Like all of Chicago, I watched in
disbelief as Miami simply put on the afterburners in route to the NBA Finals.
Part of the Chicagoan in me wants to scream about an officiating conspiracy.
Part of me wants to go totally meatball and say that the NBA wanted Miami on
their biggest stage against Dallas.  No.  No.  And No.  The Bulls were up twelve
in spite of all the phantom calls and all of the trips to the line that Miami took.
Officiating had  nothing to do with the step back that James hit to put Miami
ahead for good.  Officiating had nothing to do with Dwayne Wade knocking
down a three that basically hastened the Bulls demise.  I was reminded of that Bulls
team that faced  Orlando after Jordan had officially re-entered the basketball scene.
That was 1995 I believe.  Like that Bulls squad in 95, this Bulls team lost control of
a game that was in their hands.  That 95 team like this one, will
have an entire summer to regroup and refocus.   On that night, like this one,
superior talent held serve.  What am I getting at?  Michael learned from that
fateful night in 95 as Orlando prematurely celebrated his decline.  My hope is
that  Derrick Rose learns from this experience and grows stronger from it.
My hope is that this isn't the beginning of more Miami beat downs on the
road to a potential championship.  Michael willed his way past the Pistons
but this is a different time.  No one man can single handedly carry a team
to greatness.  If this series doesn't emphasize this point, I don't know
what else will.  And so.... the off season begins.  You're on the clock
Gar Foreman.  Batman needs a Robin.

Don't worry about the homophobic NBA Millionaires.... we have to much to fear within our own tribe.

  First, Kobe Bryant got fined one hundred grand for using the word f*****.  Then it
was Joakim Noah getting fined FIFTY grand for using the same slur.  Are people
missing the point when they get all flustered every time someone drops the other F word.
To paraphrase the late Patrick Swayze in the cult classic, Roadhouse......
"It's just a noun used to illicit  a desired response."  Shouldn't we more outraged by
the knuckleheads who prowl the streets looking to beat on same sex couples?
Forget the taboo nouns being tossed around by frustrated millionaires; the type of
people that commit violent acts against people like Matthew Shepard are what worry
me most.  Yet, we're ready to light the torches when an athlete says a taboo word
regarding issues of sexual preference.  Where is the outrage when self righteous members
of the Christian flock tell a gay or a lesbian that they're essentially going to hell because
they desire someone within  their own gender?  Right now, I don't care about
derogatory nouns being bandied about by frustrated athletes in the heat of competition.
You know what bothers me?  It's the sight of  watching a friend whose suffering from
AIDS being treated like radioactive waste by a narrow minded practitioner of medicine.
Intolerance exists, and no amount of pr spin will sanitize that fact.  The best thing that we
can do, as a society, is to not become like the narrow minded idiots that gave life to
the very words that came of Kobe Bryant's mouth.  The best thing that we can do,
as a society, is to NOT to be like that doctor; the one whose ignorance and
fear made him unable to deliver a little mercy and a little compassion to a dying soul.

CHECKMATE

  I knew better.  Yet, I still brought into the notion that the Bulls, offensively challenged
as they were, could out will the Heat and advance to the NBA Finals.  The best thing
you can do in life is to admit when you're wrong.  So here it is.  I was wrong.
The Heat are the better team.  Period.  It's not the refs, it's not a network conspiracy.
Don't be meatballs Bulls fan.  I hate the Heat as much as you do but the eyes never lie.
There was Lebron, using his length to deny Derrick Rose's jumper at the end of regulation.
There was Dwayne Wade, draining a tough fade away over Ronnie Brewer with the game
on the line.  In moments like these, it's easy to see the divide between where the Heat
are and where the Bulls are.  P Diddy said it was all bout the Benjamins.  This series....
it's been all about the closers.  MIAMI'S closers.  So here's what I envision.
I envision Miami exhaling and giving up game five.  Come game six, I see Miami
locked and loaded for the kill.  And if they're not in kill mode, they've proven that they're
good enough to take the game away from the Bulls whenever they feel like it.  If you think
I'm overstating, you haven't been watching games two, three, and four.  So Bulls
fans, I ask this of you.  Don't delude yourself into thinking that the Bulls have
a miracle comeback in their back pocket.  What I want of the Bulls is to be
valiant in defeat.  What I want is for the Bulls organization to finally take an
honest look at what've they created.  As constructed, the Bulls simply aren't
good enough to compete on the level of a big boy team like the Heat.  What
stings most is the realization that the Bulls may have wasted their once to
stop Miami's championship destiny.  This was the time.  But even with
three exceptionally talented mercs and a team of castoffs, Miami stands
one win away from their promised land.  You can only wonder what
Miami will be like when they're given the chance to get even stronger.
Parish the thought.

Approaching panic mode......

  Well, Miami is up 2-1.  This time it wasn't a case of missed shots or
anything else.  Miami was just better on this particular evening.  Period.
You can say that Chris Bosh can't make a fifteen foot jumper each game.
OK, but he made that shot tonight.  And if he continues to make
that mid range jumper in game four and beyond.....checkmate.
I assumed that Thibs would come up with a game plan to
neutralize the missing link formerly known as Udonis Hazlam.
But there was Hazlam again; getting key rebounds, claiming loose balls,
and knocking down mid range jumpers.  If Thibs isn't concerned with
Hazlam, he really should be.  I'M concerned with the fact that 
James and Wade essentially played the maestro roles tonight and yet
Miami still took the game over.  Still, I will not step onto the ledge until
the Heat have game four firmly in their hip pocket.  Nope, I refuse to
break into full panic and or sports meatball mode at this point.  Indeed,
there is  a difference between being down 3-1 in series and being down
2-1 in a  series.  I just hope that coach Tibs has enough of that basketball
lifer mentality within him to somehow slay the Deathstar in game four.
Perhaps it's time to admit that Miami is fully awake and fully
engaged.  And when a group of the best basketball mercenaries ever
assembled are fully awake and engaged and hungry....... there may be
nothing that coach Thibs CAN do.  It's a fact of life in sports.
Sometimes..... talent simply outshines  pure will.  We'll see in
game four.

Ode to Charles Dickens

   Of all the things my good friend L have argued about, I never thought that we
would go head to head on the issue of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."
My friend L says that it's his best work, that it shows Dickens' strength in rising
above the unhappiness of his beginnings.  To that I countered, a writer
writes what he or she knows.  Dickens knew hardship and struggle and heartbreak
and subsequently, his best work, in my view, is "Great Expectations."  We MIGHT run
into a man like Scrooge but anyone who has been in love before definitely has known
an Estella in their time.  On the Estella/Scrooge point, my friend L declared me an
unabashed cynic.  Well.... I AM a cynic, no question.  But I am a TEMPERED cynic.
I believe in the nature of  happy endings and  atonement and learning from the error of
one's way.  I also believe in the concept of perseverance.  To be fair though, I don't
believe in Dickens' vision of Scrooge celebrating in en mass after the ghosts have
had their say.  In light of the Dickens we saw in Oliver Twist and Great Expectations
and Tale Of Two Cities, A Christmas Carol seems like nothing more than wistfully
commercialized mysticism.  Odds are, if a figure like Tiny Time existed in reality, he'd
probably be gobbled by a politico looking for votes or a career spin maker looking
for headlines.  I can see it now.....a bloated and sweaty Jerry Lewis singing to
poor old Tiny Tim during the last minutes of his fabled telethon.  Oh how that tote
board would simply light up.  Then again, perhaps I'm being to hard on old
Charlie Dickens.  Perhaps he wrote A Christmas Carol as a balm to the bleak
circumstances that defined both his childhood and his entire adult existence.
Perhaps, but the concept of Scrooge suddenly making amends for his mistakes
still seems a bit far fetched to me.  If you were Bob Kratchet, would you like the
old bird in?

Beware of the jaded American

   I think that I'm becoming more and more and more jaded as the years go on.
I cite my indifference to the environmental atrocities that Chevron has perpetrated
in the third world recently.  Don't get me wrong, it's not a sense of indifference
born out of a lack of empathy for the borders behind my own home country.
Rather..... my indifference stems from the simple realization that the third world is
essentially the wild wild west.  A company like Chevron has money and power and those
two elements alone are enough for a corporate colossus to create an unchecked fiefdom of
unethical behavior.  I watched the video of one of the locals talking about the land that
Chevron had contaminated in his village and I couldn't help but thinking...... this man is
essentially signing his own death warrant by speaking out.  If Chevron doesn't buy his
silence or use the legal process to skate away with a slap on its collective wrist, there is a
good chance that this brave farmer won't ultimately live to see justice done anyway.
Indeed, the third world isn't like our government here in the great USA.  Our government
believes in the old death by a thousand cuts methodology.  Often times, OUR government
slowly squeezes its dissenters until they are finally forced to cry uncle.  In the third world,
dissenters are usually eradicated by despots with fatalistic problem solving skills.  Here's
hoping that one man's bravery doesn't end up costing a family their father.  Here's hoping
that one man's bravery doesn't end up making a widow out of his wife.  Remember, the
third world is the place where a man like Che Guevara was essentially led to the slaughter
by the very people he tried to liberate.  In America, we tune revolutionaries like Che
out if we don't like their message.   In the third world, idealists like Che are betrayed
and ultimately fed to slaughter.  Then again, maybe there is always a price
to be paid and a sacrifice to made in the name of justice and or idealism.

Johnny Doesn't Want To Be A Pirate Anymore....

  As I scower the job search engines and attempt to gain meaningful employment yet
again, Johnny Depp is whining about having to play make believe for months on end.
Before you chide me for not knowing what Depp and other actors go through to make the
films that wind up in multiplexes across the nation......... cool your jets.  I know what a
grind it can be to do take after take and shoot scenes long into the night.  Some roles are
physically grueling and some shooting schedules are a compacted endurance test.
Still,  Johnny is not a fellow making minimum wage in a job that he hates.  His life
provides him with the opportunity to work at his own leisure.  Yet, here's Johnny......
whining about  how he's tired of playing Jack Sparrow in the rather lucrative
Pirates Of The Caribbean  franchise.  This is after he belittled his former POTC director,
Gore Verbinski, in the very same interview.  Mr Depp, people are out of work right now.
Businesses are going under and people are being downsized.  All across America,
people are  struggling to make mortgages payments and rent payments.  Johnny, I
respect as you an actor but if you didn't want to do POTC 4.... you should've
showed some integrity by walking away from a huge payday and a job that your
heart wasn't fully into.  If there's one thing that I hate, it's someone who has power
and doesn't use it.  You think your director is a boob, Johnny, then tell Disney
to replace him and shut up already.  You're tired of playing Jack Sparrow.
I get it.  So why the heck didn't you tell the mouse that you simply didn't want to
play Pirate anymore?  This would've been better than bellyaching like some spoiled
Hollywood Pollyanna after the fourth film was officially in the can.
People said that  Dave Chappelle was an idiot for walking away from his
Comedy Central show and a seventy million dollar payout.  That might be true,
but at least Chappelle had  enough integrity to simply walk away when he didn't
feel like he was up to the grind of writing and producing a weekly sketch show.

Score One For The Deathstar

  You learned something tonight, Bulls fans.  You can shoot thirty four percent and miss
wide open shots against teams like Indiana and Atlanta but you can NOT do it against a
team as athletic as the Miami Heat.  Tonight, the old saying was never truer; great
players make shots.  The King finally awakened and single handily delivered the
haymakers that finally sent the Bulls to the canvas.  Though part of me fears that this
may be the genesis for the Heat's superior talent overpowering the will of the Bulls,
I am consoling myself with a simple eye test.  The Bulls did not hit shots.

And if you don't hit shots, you will not beat anyone in the NBA.  Especially the
Miami Heat.  Indeed, the numbers don't lie.  34 Percent from the field, 3 for 20
from behind the arc.  You felt the air seeping out of the UC when Kyle Korver
missed a wide open three with the game in doubt.  You hope, as a Bulls fan,
that this isn't a game that the Bulls will regret not stealing.  When it was tied at 73
and Miami was struggling to cover up, you felt that it was within reach.
But with every missed shot, opportunity slipped away, and you were just waiting
for Miami to finally deliver that one punch to get separation.  Then..... Three Ball
by the King.  Miami was finally in control.  In the final analysis though, 

I think that the truest words may have been spoken by Danny  Bernstein from
The Boers and Bernstein Show.  Playoff Basketball is all about the ebbs

and flows, each game differs.  It's the drama of the NBA Playoffs, the by product
of the chess match between opposing coaches.  So now it's onto Miami.
The chess match continues, the drama gets even higher.  Let's just hope that
Coach Tibs has enough moves in him to overcome the firepower of the Deathstar.  

The where and the why

  So here I am, sifting through the rubble of a relationship that is now over after eight years.
Once again, someone I loved pushed a very sensitive button and I broke out the matches
and burned down the mission.  I wonder, fellow men of this life, are these buttons within
every member of the male species?  Are all of us males prone to commit acts of arson
within the confines of a committed relationship when a nerve is struck or feelings of betrayal
are suddenly front and center in one's mind.  I am my mothers sons I suppose.  I can
persevere and love unconditionally and give everything I have to other humans but when
I feel betrayed, the matches aren't far behind.  As I sift through the rubble of yet another
relationship gone boom,  I once again ponder the concept of having soul mates in this life.
Within the ashes of yet another failed relationship, I wonder how I spent
15 years loving a woman without a single destructive impulse taking shape
within me.  Those 15 years were easy, the rest....... not so much.  I go back
to the memories of those years, that particular woman.  Within the ashes of
yet another relationship gone boom, I feel that void yet again.  I am my mothers
son.  I possess warmth but I am coldest when reacting in self defense.  Perhaps
simplicity is my thing.  Perhaps my nature, though I defied the odds once, isn't
quite ready for yet another journey towards that Bermuda Triangle known
as a committed relationship.  Perhaps simplicity is in order at this point.  Now,
as I sift through the ashes, I applaud myself for having a friend with benefits
in my life.  In 2011, perhaps simpler is better in my case.

The Oprahites are here......

   It was bad enough when the Londonites were making completely fools of
themselves when Wills and Kate got married.  I told them to go home and now
I'm telling all of the Oprahites who don't have to tickets to see Queen Jesus at
the United Center....  G-O-  H-O-M-E.   You're blocking traffic and taking up
sidewalk space.  G-O  H-O-M-E.  This isn't Woodstock, it's not a cultural event.
Oprah is a bored business woman leaving her own self absorbed talk show to run an
equal self absorbed  television network that she named after herself.  My goodness,
when did we become a nation of  mindless lemmings?  When did we all start quivering
at the sight of a celebrtity like Oprah?  Now look, all you people without tickets to Oprah's
bash, I want you to listen to me.  You're not getting in to the UC without a ticket.
Oprah is NOT going to come out and make tickets appear like David Copperfield.
You're going to stand there like lemmings and then security will tell you to go away.
This being Chicago, you'll probably end up in the paddy wagon before you can
get the first word of resistance past your lips.  And please, all of you Oprahites
without tickets.  Leave Will Smith alone and leave Tom Hanks alone.  They can't
magically make your life better by getting Oprah to let you inside the mutual
admiration fest.  G-O  H-O-M-E.  Get on the 20 Madison bus, take it
to the train.  Do it, don't look back.  Have some dignity for god sake.
Get in your cars if you drove.  Drive away and don't look back.  I'm
not saying this as a Oprah hater my little Oprahites, I'm saying
this a friend.

Tiger, Arnold, and the ravings of a cynical bachelor.

  Let me ask you something, mister and misses America.  Do you really need Doctor Drew 

to put Arnold Schwarzenegger's infidelity in perspective for you?  All day, HLN news has 

been teasing a very special edition of the Doctor Drew show.  Apparently, it's special 

because the good doctor thinks that America is either to dumb or to indifferent to

truly understand what the Schwarzenegger scandal truly means to us common folks. 

Allow me to save you good people time waiting for the king of celebrity rehab to 

enlighten you.  Men....well.... we cheat.  PEOPLE.... cheat.  It doesn't matter if you're
rich or poor, black or white, brown or green, celebrity or moral; everyone strays at 

some point in time.  There are no perfect human beings in this life.  Oh, but I hear the 

outcry that Arnold is a role model and that he should act accordingly.  Bah.  He's a 

muscle bound marketing machine who is richer than creation.  The question I ask is this?  

What is with this newfound honesty from males celeb when they get caught cheating?  

Tiger Woods was home free.  I mean, his wife was still steamed about his INITIAL affair 

but she was willing to meet him halfway.  And then.... Tiger decided to tell her about the 

other 17 ho bags that he had fornicated with.  Total cost for old Tigers honesty?  

Public humiliation, a scorned wife, and a check for 200 million bucks.  

God knows what Arnold will have to pay for HIS discretions in the end.  Here's 

my pledge to all males celebs who cheat.  ZIP IT.  Cut the check in private and then 

get ready to take the old frying pan from the lover or the wife you stepped out on.  

Didn't any of these male celebs learn anything from the great Michael Jordan?  

Jordan was the king of extra martial fornication.  Do you see him stinking it up 

on a golf course or living in a hotel like Arnold is?  No, because he didn't make

a bad situation worse by pretending that his wife was a priest and that he was

in confessional.  Tiger was friends with M Jeff and he learned nothing about how to 

successfully carry out an extramarital affair.   That's like Luke taking lessons from 

Yoda and still not being able to defeat the dark side.  Men, let's do this.  Let's 

NOT get married.  And yah, Sheen, I'm talking to you especially.  If you have 

a wandering eye and a penchant for blow and a craving for illicit sex with adult 

film stars, you should NOT get married.  Even if you don't have all of Sheen's 

vices, don't do it fellas.  And if you're going to do and you slip up and 

you let you know who do your thinking for you....... S-I-L-E-N-C-E.  Pack

a bag, duck those flying objects, and then consult a good divorce attorney.

Remember fellas........ What would M Jeff do?

The Deathstar is dazed but certainly not defeated

  I know it's only one game and that I should control my inner basketball meatball.
Still, it was absolutely delicious to see Dwayne Wade tossing the ball away in
disgust as he and the so called "King", LeBron James,
conceded defeat in game one of the Eastern Conference finals.
For tonight at least, the team game of the scrappy Bulls won out over the ME first
symbolism that Miami and it's so called "big three" represent.  Things
may change come Wednesday night, I know that.  My heart is with the Bulls but
I won't allow that to let me get delirious here.  Trust me folks, Lebron James
will be not go invisible like he did tonight.  Neither will Dwayne Wade.
Love them or hate them and I truly detest them both, they are the best at
what they do in terms of the hardwood.  Tonight though, there is much to
savior in Chi Town before the quest for the grail resumes on
Wednesday night   Did you love it Chicago when young Taj Gibson posterized
Dwayne Wade?  Did you love the camera shots of Lebron James sitting
dazed on the bench late in the fourth quarter.  I did.  Yet, my
glee for Miami's beat down is tempered in some respects.  To be truthful,
the Miami deathstar is still under construction.  It is powerful
but not as powerful as it will be in the years to come.
When the Heat gain wiggle room in terms of their salary cap,
you know that they will address their low post deficiencies and
become the wrecking machine that they think are now.
When the salary cap provides them wiggle room, Miami's bench
will not be the question mark that it is now.  For the moment though,
this is the Bulls  best chance to stick their thumb in the eye of ego and greed
and selfishness. This is the best chance for the Bulls to play David to Miami's
Goliath.  I say again Bulls fan, Miami will not be vulnerable forever.  This year, 2011,
is the year that the Bulls can bring balance to the force and send LeBron
and his mercs home for the summer.  Nothing would make me happier
than to see LeBron and Dwayne Wade standing at the podium after being
eliminated by the underdog Bulls.  I wonder though.  Who will LeBron
blame this time if the Bulls deny him another trip to the finals?  King?
We'll see.  Jordan he definitely isn't.  Jordan had heart.  Jordan had will.
LeBron?  He has a bank account full of zero's and a quick blame finger.
I hope you were watching tonight Cleveland, I hope you were watching.
May the force be with you Cavaliers fans, may the force be with you.

The Tea Party Has Gone Mad

    So I'm doing the whole social thing on Facebook when I see a link from one of
my FB pals.  Apparently, one of the political parties wants to remove incidents
of genocide and slavery from the history books so as not to offend the founding
fathers.  Quick quiz.  Who is responsible for this genius idea?  Is it the Democrats?
Is it the Republicans?  Neither.  I know, my first reaction was that the liberals had
gone off of their meds again.  I half expected to see Al Gore and Sheryl Crow
burning copies of Uncle Tom's Cabin in effigy.  Alas, it's not the liberals who
have lost their mind.  No, it's the bleepin Tea Party.  Yes, the very same
off shoot of the Conservative movement that was supposed to be
the alternative to Liberalism.  I wonder, did the Liberals storm the gates
and hijack the message of  The Tea Party?  Folks, this is how liberals think.
When something bothers  you, over react.  It's the liberal way.
Or perhaps, the friggin tea party has just lost its bleepin mind.
Hopefully, this is just a case of political  psychosis and or delusion that will
soon pass.  I have news for the Tea Party.  If you boys and girls start thinking like
liberals, you won't win political seats at the clip that you've been winning them.
In politics, liberal psychosis often leads to blue states turning red.  I don't care if you omit
it from a text book, slavery existed.  And if slavery DIDN'T exist......
then someone better tell the Tea Party to come up with a better explanation for
the Civil War.  I guess The Tea Party will have the Civil War omitted from
the history  books too.  According to these lunatics, our founding fathers
are being  besmirched by the facts.  I hate to break it to the Tea Party but yes,
our founding fathers owned slaves.  And yes, our founding
fathers virtually swindled the Indians when it came to the so called
discovery of  America.  We got prime real estate and the poor Indians got
syphilis from old Christopher Columbus.  As comic Eddie Griffin so aptly said
"How the F*** You Gonna Discover Somethin That Wasn't
Yours To Begin With."  This madness has to be checked and quickly.
God knows what The Tea Party will want to rewrite next.  Perhaps they'll have
The Lincoln Assassination  omitted so as not to besmirch  John Wilkes Boothe.
What's next, they change JFK'S fatal  head shot to a flesh wound so as not to
besmirch Jackie O and the entire Kennedy clan?  What's next, they rip the Holocaust
out of the history books because it besmirches the German People?
I know, let's just say Hitler was a good guy who simply had anger
management issues.

And The Oscar Goes To.... Vin Bleepin Diesel?

   What do I call you?  Is it Mr Diesel or is it Vin..... Great, Vin it is.  Now.... Vin..... I want
to talk to you about this statement you made about your Fast and Furious film franchise.
You said that those films and films of that ilk deserve Oscar consideration.
Now.... Vin.....  you have to stop all of that talk, before Hollywood gets any crazy ideas.
Next thing  you know, some radical on the Academy panel will be casting write in votes
for films like Priest and Resident Evil.  Now I know that you're proud of your
F&F franchise Vin but you're courting anarchy here.  As a film fan, I can't have
a cinematic gem like The Kings Speech mingling with a film like Fast Five in the best
picture category.  It'll be anarchy,  it'll be against the rules.  It'll  go against the basic
laws of  not only the Oscar itself but the entire cinematic caste system.
As Cosmo Kramer one said, "without order, there's chaos."
To also quote the great George Costanza..... "Worlds will collide."  Don't mis
understand Vin, I like the F&F franchise.  Lots of good looking women and fast cars
and good looking women.......  Now look Vin, I want you to take a little time
before you start production on F&F six and I want you to forget
about all of this Oscar sillyness.  Believe me, it's for the best.
Thank you for your time.

                                                      Sincerely,
                                                      Mr Film

SNL.... Female Comics... And The Reformed Feminist Formerly Known as Judd Apatow.

    So I'm perusing the Chicago Reader and I see a blurb about the new film "Bridesmaids."

According to the author, Judd Apatow is the new king of chick flicks.  Also, the author

seemed to paint a picture of a world where women aren't allowed to be funny on a larger

stage.  Let me address the Apatow point first.  Judd Apatow is a producer and he wants

his films to make money.  He didn't produce "Bridesmaids" because he wanted to

champion the next Lucy.  Fact is, Apatow's bromance/ignorant cro-magnon series

hit a dead end when he trotted out Adam Sandler in the vastly under edited and un 

focused dramedy "Funny People" a few years back.  According to the Reader

piece, Bridesmaids writer Kristen Wiig basically said that it took everything but 

a bare knuckle brawl to keep Judd Apatow from turning her characters into tasteless, 

one dimensional shrews.  Apatow is hiding out in the land of chick flicks, plain and simple.  

A reformed feminist, he is not.

  Point Two.  Funny is funny in my world, gender is not an issue for me.  Some women

are good at making people laugh and some make you wanna change the channel.  It goes

the same way for male comics.  There are the good ones and the great ones and the one

who need to think long and hard about an alternate career.  You can't say that women 

haven't had their opportunities to shine when the writing room at SNL has become 

decidedly female.  Still, despite a changing of the guard in the writing room, SNL still 

suffers from skits that go on wayyyyyyy to long or are simply to tame or one 

dimensional for their own good.  Oh, I know, it's that godfather like Alpha Male 

Loren Michaels that's holding the gals back.  I offer a retort to that.  If you're 

strong enough to change a boys only culture at thirty rock, then you're strong 

enough to get quality material on the air.  Politics plays no favorites at SNL, be it 

man or woman.  If you've seen or read any special on the backstage workings at 

SNL, you've heard the stories about the male cast members virtually cannibalizing 

one another to get their skits on the air.  If this is the time of the female comic

on SNL, I want to actually see it.  What I've seen is status quo.  SNL

is still coasting along as a toothless paper tiger.  Contrary to the opinion of the writer 

in the Bridesmaids piece, I believe that Hollywood will produce any comedy, 

regardless of gender, if said comedy is profitable.  Indeed, profit knows no gender 

in  LA LA land.  I suspect though, that most of the female audience that Bridesmaids 

ultimately targeted will sit home and then complain when Hollywood doesn't hand 

the keys to a comic like Kristen Wiig again.  It's the same issue I have with 

African American audiences.  For years,  their gripe has been the lack of quality 

film makers of color.  Yet, when an African American film maker makes a quality 

film..... the African American community stays home.  Worse yet, they gave their 

hard earned dollars to the same stereotypical crap that Hollywood pumps out 

year after year.  I know.... but Hollywood is a lilly white boys club who won't

let African Americans make important films.  Well then, how do you explain the 

likes of  Spike Lee?  Lee not only knocked at Hollywood's door, he kicked it in.  

It's all about opportunity.  Question is, are the aspiring female comics and 

the potential Spike Lee's of the next generation savvy enough to answer 

the knock?

The scientists need to get back to work

  This week.....  the news was full of reports about a possible scientific breakthrough
in the battle against HIV/AIDS.  Words like "gamechanger" were thrown around as
the scientific community gave one another countless high fives.  Did the scientific
community finally find a cure at long last?  No.  The hub bub concerns the possibility
of a level of containment involving already infected people and their partners.
Here's the 411.  Supposedly, people infected with HIV can lower the risk of passing
the disease  to their significant others by taking retroviral medications earlier rather
than later.  One question though.  What about the rest of the population?  
What about the men and women who are not monogamous?   What about the
singletons that engage in high risk sexual behavior?  What the scientific community
is all agog about is the possibility of partial containment.  Key word here,
P-A-R-T-I-A-L.  So in essence, the scientific community has provided possible
piece of mind to monogamous couples with infected partners and they've forsaken
the rest of the population that is still at risk.  There's another matter that the scientific
community forget to take into account while they were all  backslapping one another
this past week.  The fact remains that HIV is still  a potential time bomb inside the
bodies of those who are infected with it.  If the retroviral meds have had very little
benefit over the 27 years since HIV/AIDS has been on the scene, what makes
the scientific community think that they'll suddenly start paying dividends
to HIV positive men and women in the year 2011 and beyond.

  The real breakthrough is a fully realized level of both prevention and cure.
The real breakthrough is the day when people don't have to watch their lovers or
their friends or their immediate family members get eaten alive when someone enters
the stage of full blown AIDS.  The news of this past week is actually more harmful
than good.  It has the potential to make people feel less afraid of a disease that
isn't going away anytime soon.  As long as HIV/AIDS is still around, apathy is
the most dangerous opponent of all.

Down goes Blockbuster

  On my way to do the usual weekly errand of picking up my mail in
Lincoln Square, I stopped to look at the empty space that used to house
a Blockbuster at the corner of Lawrence and Oakley.  It's like this all over
Illinois.  There are empty spaces a plenty where the once formidable video
giant once stood tall.  To hear the business analyst talk, Blockbuster has
been felled by the technologies of Net Flix and On Demand and I Tunes.  That's true
but there's a story about how these technologies actually surfaced with enough
credibility to actual take Blockbuster down in the first place.  The culprit, as far
as I'm concerned, is AMC Theaters.  Let me explain myself, cause I can sense
one of those confused looks coming on.  You all know that AMC swallowed up
Loews and that that eventually shrunk the theater market.  Naturally, you say.
You see, when AMC shrunk the market, they became a bit more selective about
the films shown in their theaters.  And with this Darwineseque type of thought
process,  more smaller and independent film makers found themselves without
homes. And the ones that DID get to do business with AMC, got little face time
in the kingdom to actually find an audience for their film.  Well, these disfranchised
film makers had to go somewhere to be seen.  Enter, Net Flix.  After Net Flix
there came the distribution hub that I Tunes became.  On top of I Tunes,
On Demand became another alternative for indie film makers and films of smaller
stature.  With the evolution of these new and more convenient movie watching and or
distribution  options, AMC could no longer protect Blockbuster's dominance in the
marketplace the way that it used to.  Plus, there's simply no appeal in going out into
the elements to get a film if it's right there at your fingertips.  Being an indie fan,
I doubt that Blockbuster would even have what I was looking for in the first place.
Yes, I know that Blockbusters demise signals the dissolution of jobs.  Yes, I know
that Blockbusters demise represents the lingering after effects of a struggling economy
that has claimed big time businesses like a hooded menace in a slasher flick.  I don't
weep folks.  I really don't.  It's the dawn of a new age and Blockbuster just got old.
Rejoice indie film makers, the big bad yellow and blue bouncer is dead.

For Momma

  Well Momma, this is the first Mothers Day I'll spend without you.  I'd rather be
celebrating Momma's day with you in real time but as a good friend pointed out;
you are beyond this world of doctors and finger pricks and meds.  You have gone
home.  And while the people who love you still process the void
of your passing, those who love you also rejoice in the lessons that
you taught all of us these past few years.  Speaking for myself, you taught me
a lesson about grace and courage that I will hopefully be able to pass onto my
own children someday.  While I am sad for the loss of our Saturdays I am grateful
for the fact that I got to know you again.  You used to ask me if the commute
was a problem for me.  It never was momma, it never was.  All of those bus
rides and all of those Saturdays helped me to find you again.  I carry you with me
momma.  I am stubborn like you and I am tenacious like you.  Like you, I simply
don't know how to quit.  Most sons or daughters have one moment of reconnection
with their parents before fate intervenes and the connection is broken forever.
I had four years in which to know you and love you overall again.  I hope that
I made the most of my second chance.  I hope that our Saturdays brought you
as much happiness as they brought me.  I hope that I can make the most of the lessons
that you taught me and I hope that I can be as half as brave as you were.  Happy Mothers
Day Momma, I love you.

Say no to LeBron and his merry band of mercs.

  While my Bulls hopefully attempt to gain a strangle hold of their series with Atlanta,
I find myself holding my collective nose as I watch Miami and Boston in game 3
of their series.  Flipping the old mental coin, I put my rooting interest behind Boston.
This in spite of the fact that all things Boston make me nauseous beyond belief.
This is probably due to the fact that ESPN is intent on hijacking  every major market
OUTSIDE of Boston and forcing feeding us Red Sox baseball whenever possible.
Speak of the devil, ESPN just ran an ad for.....drum roll.... Red Sox versus Twins.
Back on point....... I hate Miami so much that I have been forced to root for the Celtics
in this second round NBA playoff series.  Yes, I hate Miami.  I hate the culture of
greed and self importance that Miami represents.  Perhaps my collective psyche is still
stinging from the con job that Dwayne Wade perpetrated on the city he
professed to love during last years free agency period.

  As a person, I believe in one credo; say what you do and do what you say.
If there's one thing that I hate in this life, it's a phony and or a  false prophet.
To me, Dwayne Wade is a bit of both.  Is it a shock then that Wade
was in cahoots with Lebron James, someone with as less integrity as him.  I know
what you're thinking.  Why, you're just another hater who doesn't understand
the money first attitude of the modern athlete.  Oh no, I understand it.
How could I not?  This is my era.  I call it the age of Paul Cicero.  Oh, you're a
small market and you wanna keep me without breaking the bank.... f*** you, pay me.
It wasn't the pursuit of NBA riches that soured me and everyone else on Lebron and
it wasn't white America rising up against a spoiled African American athlete
with an obvious ethics problem.  In my world, if you don't plan on sticking around;
you man up and you SAY that you're leaving.  This isn't an issue about a spoiled athlete
who virtually gutted a franchise due to his lack of personal ethics.  It's an issue about
LeBron James creating a false illusion in Cleveland that they actually had a chance to
retain his services.  With one phone call or one press conference, he could've saved
his image AND the fate  of the Cavaliers in the short term.  Instead, he had Cleveland
waiting there for him.  And they waited.... and they waited.....
And while LeBron knew all along where he was  going and potential face saving
free agents came off the board.... Cleveland waited.  This folks, is why I hate Miami.
This is why I hope that James and Wade never attain the grail that they're seeking.
If they do, it's a victory for greed.  If they do, it's a victory for individualism.

Steroids and the American Past Time

   I remember the day when Big Mac hit his record breaking 62nd home run down
the left field line at Busch.  Like the rest of baseball nation, I watched with misty eyed
romanticism as he broke one of  baseballs most cherished records.  Yet,
if you fast forward to 2011,  McGuire is a virtual  pariah in the eyes of baseball purists.
Fine, he cheated.  But I say  this to all those fans at  Busch who cheered him on
and all of the baseball fans around  the nation who cheered him on that night.
You wanted a hero and you got it.  To me, all of the cries about purity and integrity
are nothing more than buyers remorse.

  You wanted baseball drama after a previous year of labor strife that nearly crippled
your beloved game.  Well, you got it.  Yes, I can hear the baseball purists screaming
for McGuire's scalp as they toss around words like cheater and liar.  Yes, Big Mac
cheated.  But baseball nation, you cheated yourself.  You cheated
yourself by simply not doing an eye test.  Wasn't it obvious what was going on
with McGuire when he morphed into a hulking mass of humanity?
Wasn't it obvious what was going on when his hulking frame turned
to glass?  Baseball and all of its fans conned themselves because
they wanted to believe in something that was simply a mirage.
There are no heroes in this life.  Athletes are people and people lie and they cheat
and they do dumb things.  You're mad at Mac because he fibbed.  Poor you, mister
and misses baseball.  Everybody fibs, there are no angels in this life.  And you Cubs
fans are just as guilty when it comes to your so called hero, Sammy Sosa.  Cub nation
was just as blind as Cardinal nation was.  Sosa didn't become a self serving
pariah after he walked out on his team at the end of the 04 season, he was always that
way.  Sammy, god bless em, just picked the wrong year to act like a self absorbed
millionaire.  Suddenly, an angry and disillusioned baseball city had buyers
remorse.  Suddenly, the very organization that enabled Sosa in the name of ratings
and ticket sales became the symbol of baseball justice.  Folks, Sosa was always a
ME guy.  ALWAYS.  That was before steroids AND after.   Ask yourself this, Cub nation?
Were you mad at Sammy for tainting your beloved game or were your mad because
Bud Selig and baseball manipulated you into seeing what you wanted to see.
You want to do your kids a service when you talk to them about the steroid era?
Tell them the truth.  Tell them that heroes don't exist.

  Grown men with declining skills take shortcuts when someone bigger
and stronger and younger threatens their place in the baseball food chain.
Tell me that you wouldn't sell your soul, tell me that you wouldn't do
anything to turn back the clock.  Bonds and McGuire and Sosa,
they were salesman.  Baseball fans, you brought what they were selling.
Sorry but there are no refunds and there are no exchanges;
you're stuck with some tainted nostalgia.  Your hearts lead you astray
baseball nation, deal with it.

Barack... we need to talk.

  Mister Obama.  Heck, you're from my home state, I think I'll call you Barack to keep it
all nice and informal like.  Listening to you speak, I think you don't quite understand
what exactly the CIA does.  Without the f bombs or the threat of violence, let me break
it down for ya Nicky Santorio style.  See, the CIA hires people called ops.....
These ops get a little breakfast and then take a nice stroll down
to the interrogation room.  Now if the  enemy in question doesn't have any
useful intel to share...... they split their bleepin head open.  And hopefully,
when said enemy is just about to write a letter screaming  about their civil liberties
being violated...... the op will split their friggin head open again.  To quote Nicky S,
that's what they do.  See, that's their job.  It's why they're called
black ops.  See Barack, it's not like the movies.  The bad guys who mean us harm don't
crack under the rigors of garden variety interrogation.  Sometimes, protecting America
requires a little, oh, Chinese water torture.  Or, perhaps, the use of a nice thick telephone
book upside the skull.  Now I know that you want to talk it out Barack but bombers and
fanatics aren't the type of people that you chit chat with.  Now here's what I want you to do.
I want you to stop bailing out every failed business and I want you to never ever mention
Obama Care again.  At least until someone other than a member of Menza can
actually explain what the hell it's actually about.

  One more thing Barack......

  I want you to leave those CIA people alone.  Tut tut, no peaking behind the curtain
over at Langley.  You're a peacenik so you just stick to your ideals  and let the CIA
do what it does.  But remember..... DON'T. PEEK.  BEHIND. THE. CURTAIN.
It's for your own good, believe me.  When Khadafi gets whacked, you just repeat
the following; he fell.