I am full of angst on this beautiful summer day in May so I just want to sort of rant a bit. Trust me, you'll like my lack of structure.
1. Can someone tell me what exactly the Illinois Lottery was trying to accomplish with their latest commercial. Not for nothing, but when I gamble away the rent money I'm not wondering if I'm going to meet Miss Right in the 7 Eleven. Nor... Nor... do I want to be reminded, in any subtext, of the classic novel, Lolita. Have you seen the commercial? A chick, who looks like she's twelve, eyes her so called soulmate in a record store. I guess she stole cash from her mom's wallet, played the quick pick, then went down to the old record store and decided to shop for that rarest of creatures.. a Vinyl 45. Not only does that chick look like she's twelve, the dude she connects with looks like a forty something with a mullet. Was the ad agency team reading Joyce Carol Oates when they created this spot? Yes Illinois Lottery... I believe, in a city of seven million people, Humbert Humbert can find his next underage ingenue after he plays the pick four or the little lotto. Thank you for that image Illinois Lottery, really.
2. You know, I'm all for the surviving members of Queen making a buck... god knows they were only multi-millionaires before they decided to prostitute the band's musical legacy but that's beside the point. I was peeved when I heard Queen songs popping up in burger commercials and furniture spots. But now.... the surviving members of Queen have trotted out a Freddie Mercury hologram. You know what this means? Some dumb cluck is going to think that Freddie Mercury really came back from beyond and then they'll probably sue the band for false advertising. It's not even the hologram stunt that honks me off. It's the fact that the surviving members of Queen continue to trot out sub par singers with limited range to sing the part of the late great Freddie Mercury. I mean, really... if they're going to prostitute Queen's musical legacy, at least do it right. A good bet might be, um, I don't know, someone who carry actually carry a tune.
3. And finally... as I expected.... President Obama's declaration in favor of gay rights has opened the floodgates to every celeb who thinks that their opinion actually matters. You know, I really felt 2012 was a toss up until Jay Z came out and said that Obama did the right thing. Thank you Sean Carter (Jay Z'S real name by the way) thank you thank you. Now give Barack your check that's made out to the designated Democratic PAC and scoot. You know what this means, don't you? The airwaves will be filled with Liberals sounding the Obama trumpet and eventually, one of the liberal tribe will say something incredibly stupid and Barack will have to clunk their heads together ala Moe in the Three Stooges. Hollywoodites.... Liberals..... please.... zip it. Barack has this situation under control and he's kind of busy choosing his political side and cultivating his case for a second term. I know you guys mean well, but please.... run along. Go to Clooney's house and stick pins in a Dubya doll. Why.... you guys could sit in a circle and plan out the next box office flop that deals with the evil puppet master.. blah blah blah and his wag the dog type antics in a foreign land that kind of is but really isn't Iraq (wink wink.) Just, please,.... stay out of Barack's way while he tries to earn a second term. Cause if you don't..... old Snidely Whiplash Romney will swoop in with his cartoon mustache and his elitist views and start declaring war on the non one percenters. It'll be horrible..... the middle class will be rounded up by team Romney and weeded out via some GOP sponsored event reminiscent of The Hunger Games. Damn all of you Hollywoodites... SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP!!! For god sake, we can't have a self made, independently wealthy Mormon with good hair in the White House. Think before you speak!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!! Sorry... I've been watching CNN again. Good day all. Resist Tyranny. Toot!! Toot!!
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